We Can’t Even 2015

We Can’t Even 2015

Wow, can’t believe it’s almost 2015. It feels like only yesterday we were starting 2014. And it feels like only the day before yesterday we were being born. What is time but an elusive and crooked truth? In the interest of communal motivation, we’ve decided to share our New Year’s resolutions. With enough support, anything is possible.

1. Lose Wait
Enough is enough. We’re getting rid of the whole concept of queues, delays, checkpoints, intermissions, pauses, hiatuses, suspensions, and stops.

2. Learn a Language
Let’s do PicMonkey in COBOL.

3. Stop Smoking
You guys, it’s been months. If we don’t put out that kitchen fire now, we may be stuck with it for the rest of our (short) lives.

4. Travel, More
Hey, More. We know you’re reading this. For the last time: your vacation days do not renew. They’ll expire. We sent you some train tickets. Use them, for cryin’ out loud.

5. Stop Biting Nails
They really do come out much easier if you use a hammer claw.

6. Save Money
Look, we’ve known Money since high school. She deserves a better job, and her boyfriend’s a tool. Don’t we want what’s best for her? So let’s stop minding our own business and save her!

7. Get Fit
As part of our efforts to end the series of mysterious crimes at PicMonkey, we are committed to apprehending the criminal mastermind known as “Fit.” Whoever gets Fit will be rewarded $100.

8. Read More
C’mon, More. We’re not trying to be pushy. You can ignore our calls, but at least read our emails.

9. Spend Time with Family
Find a space-time wormhole stable enough to keep us and our families together for the rest of time.

10. Drink Less
Water. We’re running out. Start conserving now.

11. Use Our Smartphones Less
Who needs phones when you can write emails with your watch?!

12. Sleep More
You know what, More? Forget it. Just take the days off to sleep. See what cool pictures that gets you!

13. Stop Procrastinating
[note: finish before publishing.]

Regardless of your resolutions, make 2015 the year of your greatness with PicMonkey.com.

This article was written by PicMonkey Staff, a multicellular organism of hive-minded sub-parts who just wanna get you the ideas and information you crave, so you can make good pictures and take over the world.